Under Pressure

You know those dreams where you show up at school naked? Or where you have a test but you haven't gone to any of the classes or read the books? Why am I having those lately? Mind you in my naked dreams I'm going to work - not at my current job but I'm usually starting back at the bank or at the bookstore after years of being away - I am taught how to use the computer systems, how to swipe in for payroll purposes, etc. And usually I've forgotten my pants. Or I'm wearing something inappropriate - like a floral shirt.

I am feeling some pressure lately in regards to reading - I keep agreeing to read books that are recommended to me. I often have these books at home (being an obsessive book buyer) so access isn't an issue - time is! I read so much for work - books that I have to sell in upcoming weeks plus manuscripts that we are considering acquiring. Plus I feel the need to read teen fiction put out by rival publishers so I know what else is in the market and what kids/teens are into. Reading all those books takes time away from my pleasure reading and definitely from my family/friend obligation reading!

I have 8 more days off and way too much to read before I have to go back to work - two manuscripts that are saved on my laptop, the Birth House by Amy McKay, Slam by Nick Hornby (for bookclub), Towelhead (because I promised my sister ages ago that I would read it), Too Close to the Falls (so I don't feel so left out when my mom and sister talk about it in front of me)...plus more. I can put off the 3-4 fantasy novels that the cottage cousins are expecting me to read because I won't see them til the long weekend in May. And I can delay book 3 of the fantasy series I'm reading because I find reading too many books by the same author in a row doesn't work for me. So I'll mix it up a bit and squeeze some obligation reading in before starting book 3! And finally I have Dreams of My Father - the only book I actually rec'd for Xmas this year (thanks Liam) which I want to read but doubt I'll get to before the inauguration!

Dreams - Trust me I know you don't want to hear them...

What is it with dreams? They are these little movies in our heads yet are impossible to remember. I can wake up briefly have a finger on the edge of what I was dreaming about and then slip, it's gone. So weird!!

Don't you hate it when people corner you at work & tell you way too much detail about the dream they had last night? "...and then I was in this room and my mom was there, no wait it was my Aunt, and she was wearing clown shoes and suddenly, oh this was weird, my brother turned into a baby"....um, no one cares about anyone else's dreams. They're boring. I don't know why they're boring - maybe because there is no plot, we can never see them ourselves and we have our own weird dreams to think about if we can remember them.

I have a harder time remembering my dreams lately than I used to. I also can't keep peoples names in my head anymore. If I'm introduced to someone - BOOM - their name is gone a second later. Unless I see it written down. And if I'm introduced to two people that's even worse. I can sometimes remember one name but not which person it belongs to. Yikes.

Celebrity Look-alike?

Is it just me or does this look a bit like Paula Abdul?

Half a Christmas Tree

Our living/dining rooms are smaller at the new house so we've only put up 1/2 the Christmas tree. You can't actually tell because we've pushed it up against the dining room wall. It was David's idea and I think he's going to be one of those annoying guys like you see in movies - he's going to ask everyone that walks in "notice anything about our tree?". Of course no one will notice.

We've had a to adjust a bit by not using all of our decorations and it already seems kind of full under the tree where I've been putting gifts for the nieces and nephew, etc already. There will be significant overflow by the 25th, that's for sure.

We're hosting 19 for dinner on the 25th - I have the Christmas playlist made on my ipod, dinner planned, a tablecloth purchased (do I need to iron it?), napkins taken care of. I will have to plan a trip to the beer/liquor store before the last minute because I can't stand lines....Okay time for me to go make myself an actual list so that I don't forget anything.

When did being the birthday girl get to be so embarassing?

I'm not embarassed about my age but I feel so self-conscious when it's my birthday and everyone is paying attention to me. I guess I've always been most comfortable having attention paid to me when I do something to make it happen. Sure I make jokes in meetings and everyone turns and looks at me like I'm crazy or funny or about to lose my job - but that's my choice. It's weird to have people wishing me happy birthday simply because I successfully navigated the birth canal oh so many years ago. My mom really did all the work, not me.

Not that it isn't nice, having friends and coworkers take a moment to wish me well. It is nice. And I guess since it only happens once every 365 days it isn't something that I will likely get used to...especially since I'm still finding it odd after 41 years!

Maybe I'm still on Denver time....

It's almost 3 am and I can't sleep. And as I lay there (lie there?) trying to get to sleep I keeping rehashing things from the past that I'd rather not think about. I used to be so proud of myself for being someone who kept a journal, someone who confronted her own thoughts and fears. Now, I push so much to the back of my mind because I don't want to deal with it. I'm constantly saying to myself "I'll deal with that tomorrow" and then I say the same thing when tomorrow comes. I wonder what happened to the introspective me? Did I simply become weary of my own self-indulgent navel-gazing? The last thing I want to do is go back and read the 20+ years of journals that I kept until perhaps 1999 or even later but I'll hang onto them.

I'm lucky no one actually reads this blog so they won't have to deal with this boring post. Going back to bed now. Maybe I'll read a book.

Sidewalks are there - use them!

I've heard from runners that they run on the road, not the sidewalk because the road is easier on their knees...but what's with all the people I see walking on the road when there is a sidewalk? And pushing baby carriages on the road when there is a sidewalk? Know what belongs on the road? My car! And bikes...those are way too often on the sidewalk! Do we need a refresher, people?